Catch Me If You Can

Confessions.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011 @ 12:55 AM

Years ago you told me that i was cheapskate, didn't know how to dress up, was always pulling myself down over small matters, always being controlled by my parents.

Ever since we broke up, i made a promise to myself that i would change and then i would get you back again.

I worked so hard to change. And now that i've changed, you told me that i have other problems. All i ever did change was for myself, and for you.

Then it has come to me that, all that i have changed, it didn't mean anything anymore. From the start it might have even been possible that you never once did fall for me. I wished i had a clock to rewind time back to the past, i really do. But that's just fantasy.

It's not that i'm being desperate, i just hate being alone for such a long time.

You won't see this, but i'll confess, i really still do miss you.

Confessions.

@ 12:55 AM

Years ago you told me that i was cheapskate, didn't know how to dress up, was always pulling myself down over small matters, always being controlled by my parents.

Ever since we broke up, i made a promise to myself that i would change and then i would get you back again.

And now that i've changed, you told me that i have other problems. All i ever did change was for myself, and for you.

It's not that i'm being desperate, i just hate being alone for such a long time.

You won't see this, but i'll confess, i really still do miss you.

Go on girl.

Sunday, March 27, 2011 @ 10:58 PM

Tonight was special.

It was a run I had to complete no matter what.

What i thought was sweat turned out to be tears.

I've been running for so long, tearing.

I couldn't stop, because if i did, i knew the pain in my heart would be unbearable.

I ran with all my might.

Suddenly i stopped running.

The pain and the tears stopped too.

I was finally too tired to carry on with this anymore.

If you ever read this.

You don't need me to be there for you anymore, good friends and an awesome boyfriend is all you need.

This is my farewell.

Me.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010 @ 2:19 AM

All i ever could do was to try and move on. And yet i've met up with more and more hurdles. I want to believe in god this time. Please spare me from all these, because i no longer have the strength to make it through alone. I'm tired the way i am right now. I'm tired of trying so hard and the only thing i'm only getting in return is heartaches. All i ever could do, was to see from far, praying that you would keep them safe.

Life.

Saturday, March 6, 2010 @ 12:42 AM

Year 2010. Everything's not going right in my life, at all. What happened during secondary school, it's most likely happening again, great. I used to have strength to fight on, but now, I'm tired. I just can muster up neither strength nor courage. I was happy when you said "Hey friend", "Brother", really. Laughing together, doing stupid things. But now it's over. Even after being serious to have this friendship, I didn't lie, cheat, what so ever. Put in my best to make everything turn out right. It still comes down to this. I'm just not cut out for these things. Forget all about it, because I no longer can trust. Even when i'm being asked to help, i put in my 100% effort to make it work out, and if goes wrong, i get scolded, if it goes right, i still get scolded for not doing it better or sooner. Even if one day you find out you misunderstood me, it can't go back to how it used to be anymore. You have no idea to what extend that i'm feeling right now, how hard it is for me to type all these. Thanks for being my good friend for a year, for making my life more colourful. Sincere thanks from the bottom of my heart. One day you might just see this post. My last post for you.

Stressed

Wednesday, January 27, 2010 @ 8:39 PM

Just as the title says, stress. I'M STRESS. I REALLY AM. Examinations, family issues, money issues, relationship issues. What more can i fucking ask for. I really can't study anymore. I'm tired. I want to go somewhere quiet. Really. Someone, just take me far away from here please. ):

My fked up life before 18.

Monday, January 25, 2010 @ 9:18 PM

ya hi guys, apparently i've not been updating the blog again. Well ya, been rather lazy recently. Went to st. james last last sat but ya could'nt go in cos of some reasons that are deemed racist. So ya, made friends with one clique that couldn't go in either. then we went to tanjong pagar together to enter TABOO. YA. GAY CLUB. but wtf la. just go only. END UP. I CANNOT GO IN OSO. " As long as your birthday is anywhere in the month of january, you are allowed to, but since it's on nov. Sorry. " F*** YOU. WAIT FOR MY BIRTHDAY I SURE COME BACK FIND YOU. Either way, quite a good thing that i didn't go in because i had to take care of Jeremias. He came out in after going in for half and hour and got drunk already. From an innocent guy, turn naughty. Power. Come out saw a cat and wanted to f*** it. What can i say. LOL. Well ya, on to next thing. After i see how my brother drive the car, I don't have any more interest in taking car. So i'm going for bike license instead. (: Although my parents don't allow, but ya. I promise i'll drive safely. Recently, been stressed out, projects and exams are coming. Damn. Either way, i've totally got no mood to blog.

Just some random photos of the events that happened recently.

All this while i've just been trying to catch the moon ain't I. ):

Thanks for everything.

Sunday, December 27, 2009 @ 11:08 PM

Today, you just made me realise that a leopard will probably never be able to change its spots. Once a liar, you will always be known as a liar no matter how much you change.

Today, thought it through. Because of one relationship, i get greedy for more.

Today, I tell myself for the very last time that i'm not handsome, smart or whatever. I'm never good in anything. So stop deceiving myself.

Today, I ask myself, who am i actually smiling for. Cut the false pretence. Your smile ain't nice anyway.

Today, I wished hard, that i would be that boy i used to be, dumb, immature, whatever. Not having any worries, being a good son.

Today, I told myself, it's about time i stop trying, because i'll never be good at anything even if i give it my 200%. I ain't talented.

Things going through my head right now, stop, no more, it's over.

I tell people that i'm one of a kind, i'm the best, but no. I suck. Because i'm Nicholas Tan Sen Jian.

I can type all these out to show everyone, i'm not embarrassed that people will laugh when they see this, because i know it's the truth and there's no point in hiding.

You truely made me realise that i've been deceiving myself all this while.

I don't want to smile anymore. I'm really tired.. ):

Thanks for everything you once done for me, for i am grateful, you gave my life a whole different prospect. Now it's time i go back to who i once used to be.

Blah.

Saturday, December 26, 2009 @ 11:25 PM

Woke up at 9 today to go to work, as usual cook and cook. Then ya i've been told that i will be punished by Louis tomorrow BECAUSE I FORGET TO THROW RUBBISH. SUPERVISOR SAY HE CLOSE BOTH EYE SO NOW MY FAULT. ME AGAINST THE WORLD ISSIT. LOL. Right either way, quite busy today, Wang Dike keep asking me to look towards the imperial kitchen restaurant because there's a damn hot sexy girl there. Well don't have to ask the obvious, OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T LOOK AT THAT DIRECTION. And there's this crazy girl that smses you at 3 in the morning TO SMILE. HOW TO SMILE WHEN I'M SLEEPING. LOL. =x

THE BEST CHEF YOU CAN EVER FIND HAHA.

SWEET!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 @ 11:44 PM

HI PEEPS. I DID MY LIP PIERCING. LIKE FINALLY. AND ONE DAY AFTER IT WAS DONE. MY PARENTS INSIST THAT I TAKE IT OUT. HAHA! PIERCINGS ARE FUN. Hopefully there won't be any infection. (: Did it at Primitive Tattoo. Supposedly we were going to wait for 5 mins because they said they would be back in 5 minutes. ENDED UP WAITING FOR 40+ MINS. Sorry to say, but i feel their service are quite terrible? LOL. EITHER WAY I DON'T CARE. I GOT WHAT I WANTED. HAHA. AND. AND. AND BITCH, ALTHOUGH YOU WERE GIVING ME SO MUCH PRESSURE BEFORE EVERYTHING, THANKS ANYWAY FOR ACCOMPANYING ME HAHA. MY VIDEO IS STILL WITH YOU, PLEASE SEND ME ASAP. THANK YOU. :D

SMILE BIG BIG. :D LIFE WILL GET BETTER. SO SMILE HAHAA SMILE SMILE SMILE.

SORRY FOR MY RETARDED LOOKING FACE HAHA.

Untitled

Thursday, December 10, 2009 @ 10:00 PM

Ok garena officially sucks. No more garena. 3 days left to study for the first common test and yet i've yet to start. Great. Not in the mood, was never in the mood & will never be in the mood to study. Tests are crap. Maths is crap. So is physics. Why would you even want to apply inverse differentiation to working life. That's bullshittt. Oh and i saw this keyboard warrior on jere's blog by the name of anonymous~. Lol i really love keyboard warriors. They are entertaining to the max. They don't think before they tag. Yes, Anonymous, if you are seeing this. I hope you learn. Because i have a feeling its you. Just stop sticking to your computer chair, and get the hell out of your house to socialize. Stop locking yourself up in your cyberworld and get a life. (: Next thing, tomorrow i'm getting that stupid lip piercing because i promised that stupid Ruijun. Asshole. No more good food buahbye. (: I'm scared of tomorrow. What if it looks even sucky and my parents are sure to nag when they see it and what if i can't take care of it properly. But, who cares!? Money paid, Blood wasted, why bother taking it out. (: And oh Thaijin we promised to go out drink someday ok! I'll remember this promise! (: Ok off i go. Going to try and get some knowledge into my brain.

God damn it, i don't know why i'm afraid of talking to you. But i really wish to talk to you! ):

SIMRANJEET SINGH

Wednesday, December 9, 2009 @ 6:01 PM

THANKS LA EH BUDDY. THIS POST IS JUST FOR YOU. GOT ***** DON'T WANT FRIEND ALREADY LAH LOL. CAN ACTUALLY PANGSEH ME ! (Y) YOU THE BEST I EVER HAD LA. LOL. I DOUBT YOUR EVEN HOME YET BECAUSE MABYE YOUR'RE JUST ACCOMPANYING ***** TO HAVE DINNER. ASK YOU DINNER WITH ME, DON'T WANT. NICE LAH YOU.

Shortlived Dreams

@ 10:25 AM

Decided to sleep early yesterday, however i couldn't. Things of the past went through my mind, what have i been doing all this while. I'm tired, really tired. I wish i could stop with the fake smiles. I don't want to deceive myself anymore. I want to be the boy i once was, never once did care about his image, how people thought about him, carefree. I'd rather be someone without any confidence. I hate myself now. Is it that fun to make use of me? You made me realise a long time ago that i was just a stepping stone for people to get up when they have fallen. You told me you were great, people are sure to love you. Yeah fuck it. I'm not good in anything. No matter how much i try, it's useless. However you did raise my confidence in doing things and then threw in all on the ground. Both used to tell me that they will always be there for me at my darkest moment, but thanks where were you people in the end. You two threw it on the ground too.

God, i'm tired. Please change me back to the boy i once was. One that did not have any problems to think of everyday.

Mugging

Tuesday, December 8, 2009 @ 11:30 AM

Hi guys. CT are just a week away, and here i am, stoning at the computer, unable to study when im supposed to. Beginning to think of having fun even before i knew when the CT's are held. Wanting to dye my hair maroon, have a lip piercing, mabye a tattoo. But i'm a good boy, i try not to hurt my parents. So. No tattoo i guess. (: Either way, that idiot HO RUIJUN forced me to get my lip piercing this friday and i somehow gave him my word LOL. Anyway i'm late for school nowwwww. Update later peeps. Cya!

I've somehow decided to try my best. Even if i lose, at least i know i tried.

Wanted.

Saturday, December 5, 2009 @ 11:43 PM

MOST WANTED - TEO KIN YEW, AVEN (UNKNOWN IDENTITY)

CHARGES - TOO MANY TO COUNT

PENALTY - INSTANT DEATH

Wanted Criminal - Mr f**k face Tham Rong Shang

Charges - Change of gender: Supposedly to be a female.

False accusations of people stealing his property

Irritating Teacherr voice

HIS F**K FACE MOST IMPORTANT

Penalty - Just die. Let someone new enter this world.

Wanted criminal - Sulaiman San.

Charges - Rape

Gangfight

Beating up a female lecturer

Scolding f**k you early morning at lecturer

Countless attempts of suicide

Possession of dangerous weapons

Highly contagious rare mental breakdown disorder syndrome (MBDS)

Flicking of cigarette butts at innocent people

Rare DragonBoat Disorder (DBD)

Vengeful Spirit Stun At Sight Syndrome (VSSASS)

Unable to walk like a normal human being, have to swing arms wide

WAN WAN WAN WAN WAN OW OW OW OW OW OW

Penalty - A PLACE IN HELL

Don't take it too serious ok guys? (:

Skip Class Or Not To?

@ 11:17 PM

Louis DDR 1.

DDR2.

King lim AKA uncle lim.

Ok slacked at ELP thinking if we should go to class or skip class. So decided to just take some random photos. Uncle lim's the new addition to our wacky class. If i remembered, just around two weeks of joining the class, he started to become from innocent & quiet to crazy and i dunno. Either way, welcum UNCLE LIM! (: and don't go about showing off about bikes ok! HAHA.

I just love this class to the max. (:

Twenteen Bird-day

@ 11:01 PM

Guess you can say we love playing with the trees? LOL.

Sulaiman's Twenteen birdday. Went to PS to celebrate his birdday. Watched the ninja assasin. Some parts were funny. (: Love it when the head gets sliced into half ^^. Man bought his japanese dag!------ger! for 99 dollars if i rmb. Go home confirm sharpen use as weapon. Then slacked outside awhile and took some photos. (:

Happy twenteen bird-day suchaiman. You were the best i ever had haha! (:

Presentation

@ 6:27 PM

Had Communication Skills presentation. And yea it was really fun. Rushed the advertisment poster the night before the presentation. :D And took photos after the presentation. This is class ME0905 AND I AM THE CLASS REPRESENTATIVE SO RESPECT ME. :D

This is what you define f**k face. LOL.

Common tests are coming and i've yet to start studying anything. Great. Hopefully someday i can pick up the mood to study. Everything is going downhill lately. Oh well, remain a positive attitude and everything will be just fine. (: And ya, although there are many differences in this class such as quarrels, misunderstandings, communication problems. But yeah, it's the one and only class with a bunch of idiots in it. Especially that guy. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. The one that does really stupid and insane things, but what he does always gives us a laugh. Without him, i guess the class would probably dead quiet. I love you Sulaiman and you know it. HAHA.

Revive.

@ 5:46 PM

I'm back. Finally decided to do something about this rotting blog, either delete it or update it. So yeah, why not update it. Right photos at the bottom. Hanged out with dylan, clement and thaijin at anchor point to give dylan a birthday celebration. Ate at the Hong Kong cafe, made lots of noise, people sitting at the next table even had ask us to shh. What a disgrace. And it's all because of thaijin's crazy laugher and clement's and dylan's jokes that made her do so. Thinking back, we have already known each for at least 11 years already right! (: It's amazing how we still keep in touch after such a long time. Seriously hope that this friendship between will last always. I mean it. :D I just love you guys. (L) LOL.

Went outside and kept taking all types of different pictures using thaijin's camera. Ha!

Dylan wanted to leave early because of his soccer match. Told him nothing much would happen at the start, don't believe. Lol. Oh oh and one reason i was able to go and eat with them was because I WAS FIRED BY AH LONG, NEWSTEAD TOSHIBA. WHICH STUPID COMPANY WOULD HIRE 40+ PROMOTERS TO SELL LAPTOPS AT SUCH A SMALL BOOTH U TELL ME. AH LONG. I WORK FOR YOU FOR AT LEAST 5 SHOWS ALREADY. YOU KNOW I HARDLY DISAPPOINT YOU. BUT YET, YOU JUST HAD TO DISAPPOINT ME BY TELLING ME I DON'T HAVE TO COME THE NEXT DAY. YOU DA BEST LA. I MIGHT AS WELL WORK FOR AH PAUL. STILL HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL ME, "I hire you guys is for you to earn money, not for my sake." I WAS TRYING RIGHT. SO MANY PROMOTERS HOW TO EVEN GET ONE CUSTOMER. Forget it. That was the last time i worked under you. Now no more. Bye Ah Long. You the best. \m/